Critics of Directing Traffic in Your Underwear

So I've had a few comments about Directing Traffic in Your Underwear(read below) by email come my way recently.

Yes I am writing a middle grade novel entitled "Directing Traffic in Your Underwear" and it is an albeit embellished (very embellished) version of my childhood. My brothers really did dare me to direct traffic in my underwear (which I did) at the age of three. They also locked me to the stair railing by my belt loops (I was about seven), and I did take my pants off to get free only to find that they had locked me out of the house.

So if any of you are interested in hearing about a very comical and extreme case of sibling rivalry here's what my brother Bret(antagonist--code name Robert) had to say about my post:

First off, I'm a little disappointed not to even be mentioned in the directing traffic in your underwear spot. You fail to remember that it was my brilliant if not somewhat devilishly ingenious mind that actually had you out in the road directing traffic...sure Randy had brute force and a fetish for hardened steel swiss lock making, but it took a little more than this simple act of retaliation to leave you standing at the door bewildered in your tighty whities. For it was I who had the ingenious plan to lock the screen door on my way out, a quite uncommon practice, to leave you believing your hard earned freedom would be just a simple panty clad dash away, as opposed to the unseeming horror that would befall you because of my unparalleled, and if I may so boldly say, magnificent scream. Do you think Randy, oh, I'm sorry, Brian, could have put all those delicately intricate pieces together? Who do you think it was that planted the idea of a lock cable as a belt firmly in his wee little mind? You fail to see and, well, appropriately accredit, the hours of tedious planning that allowed this seemingly simple plan to unfold. True the 15 minutes of glorious bliss as you ran freakishly from the front door to the back, clad only in your fruit of the loom petite and pretty patterned panties, which by the way had also mysteriously become locked, was more then worth the dedication and planning. But please lets give credit where credit is due.

Sure Randy gets all the credit for any form of outdoor undie humiliation, but where do you think he learned and effectively took up this practice. Do you think that he was really the first get Bud to strip down to his undies and make a mad dash through the snow to doors that were somehow mysteriously locked tight? Yes Bud gives him every ounce of credit, but I assure you that was not his first dash. It takes a certain amount of whit, a gentle yet reassuring bit of persuasion if you will, to make such a masterpiece of humble humiliation so gently unfold. Yes these tricks were imitated but never duplicated. Yes it's a little flattering, but I assure you this harsh and brutal attempts pale in comparison to my work, the work of the Master....just remember this next time you decide to weave your little tale. Yes it was ingenious of me to set up such a ring of copy cat crimes so astonishing that my work would so gently fall through the delicate cracks of time. But I thought that after all these years true aficionados would recognize my humble yet brilliant work, as to someone with a little imagination and intelligence it should shine like a glowing monument to my glorious and masterful control of the delicate mind and their clothing.