Directing Traffic in Your Underwear

I was wearing down fast and Brian was catching up. His determination to get me shouldn’t have been a surprise; after all I had taken a magic marker to his baseball card collection. Never mind the fact that he had shaved the hair off of my Barbie Dolls and fitted football helmets on them.
The thought of what he might do when he caught me seemed to propel my legs forward long after they had exhausted their strength. However, Brian was older than me and a boy, important factors when you’re trying to outrun somebody.
Still I’d made it to the corner before he caught me. He picked me up kicking and screaming and carried me back to the house. Up the stairs and onto the porch we went where he finally put me down. I sensed an opportunity to escape here but failed. Instead I watched, astonished, as Brian took out a Masterlock and threaded it through the belt loop of my pants. Less than a minute later I found myself locked to the porch railing. Satisfied he turned and walked into the house.
I sat there contemplating my next move. It could be an hour or more before my parents got home. It didn’t take long for me to come up with a plan which I quickly implemented. Carefully, I wiggled out of my Levi’s and lunged at the front door.
It was locked.
I ran around the house to try the back door.
It was locked.
There I stood in my underwear unable to get my pants back on which were still firmly locked to the porch railing.
Out of desperation I pounded on the door, “Let me in!” I yelled.